This VERY SPECIAL EPISODE featuring Patti LuPone and Hannah chasing Patti LuPone down also features a guy with a guitar named Desi, one of Jessa’s rehab friends, and a night at the Gramercy (naturally).
Hannah is waiting for Patti LuPone at a restaurant, but sadly, she cancels the interview. In the spirit of true journalism, Hannah chases her down and finds her at a rehearsal, where they proceed to fabricate facts and anecdotes about Patti’s (nonexistent) struggle with osteoporosis.
Meanwhile, Adam reads for a part in a Broadway show, Major Barbara. Shockingly enough, he gets the part he reads almost immediately, and calls Hannah. She’s thrilled, initially, until she tells Patti LuPone, who wastes no time telling Hannah how difficult it’ll be for her. “He’s gonna be an asshole. He’s not gonna know you exist. Your boyfriend, if he’s sexual in any way, is gonna start fucking everybody.” Words of wisdom.
Jessa is bored out of her mind at the boutique children’s store, playing with mannequins and begging the UPS guy to stay and chat until who walks in the door but Jasper (vicodin addict from rehab). He’s managed to track her down, and despite her protestations that she’s doing well and healthy, he insists she isn’t made for a life like this. She continues to insist she has no interest, yelling, “I’m not even attracted to you! I was wearing rehab goggles.”
Marnie has the required painful run-in with a former peer who’s risen to success. In this instance, it’s Soo-Jin, who was Booth Jonathan’s former assistant. She’s opening her own art gallery in NoHo. Marnie makes an awkward offer of help/job request, but it either goes over Soo-Jin’s head, or she skillfully evades it and tells Marnie to check out the gallery. Marnie heads over to Ray’s with a pizza and announces she’s in a shitty mood. Ray improves upon the situation by telling her “I can’t do this. I want a girlfriend, like a legitimate girlfriend.” She insists that he can’t break up with her because she doesn’t care. Righteously, she takes her pizza and leaves.
Hannah is writing a piece (advertorial) on the Gramercy Hotel, and checks in with Elijah and Shoshanna. She excitedly explains that Adam will be on Broadway, and then flips out when Shoshanna asks if she’s worried about Adam leaving her for Sutton Foster. Soon after, Adam arrives, with Desi (a fellow actor in Major Barbara) in tow. He begins to entertain them with stories of his totally cool life, when who should arrive but Marnie.
Hannah can immediately tell that something is wrong, and follows her into the bathroom. Marnie feebly insists that everything is fine, and then admits, “I can’t tell you.” Hannah hugs her, like a best friend should (Has everyone totally forgotten the beach trip, like a week ago?)
They return, where Desi is playing a folk song. Marnie joins in, and it’s the first time she’s sung on the show when I didn’t feel uncomfortable. The two bond, until Marnie mistakes his parting words for folk lyrics. Still, there might be something there.
Jessa and Jasper run in (no, like literally run) clearly high on something, and begin shouting, naturally. Jasper lectures Shoshanna on the elitism of higher education before Jessa bursts in and asks, “Do you have any more coke?” He counters, “Do you have any more money?”
She doesn’t, but she knows where to get some. From the children’s store she works at, hidden in a shoebox. My heart sank a little when they steal it, because there’s literally no way this won’t end badly for Jessa.
Hannah and Adam (finally alone) take a bath, and she finally addresses her concerns about him leaving her for Broadway. Finally reassured, she begs him to recite some of his lines. It’s pretty cute.
-By Guest Contributor Jamie Ballard