WHEN YOU SPOIL THE GAME OF THRONES YOU DIE! SERIOUSLY YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
But who am I kidding?
This will be a reaction video all time highpoint for Game of Thrones. I had a feeling as soon as I saw Kit Harington’s name as the second credit in the intro that something was up.
Control yourself, best for last…
We begin with Max von Sydow’s Three Eyed Raven and Brandon Stark sharing a vision beneath the tree cave. It’s Winterfell! In the past! Hard to imagine a time when Ned and Benjen Stark were little tykes themselves. It looks like the show is going with Lyanna being the eldest Stark child, unless that bigger lad who called Ned by his name is supposed to be their brother Brandon Stark.
We even get to see young Hodor, or Willis! Once he could speak and wield a sword! I’m with Bran on this one, what happened to him? Why doesn’t Bran already know? Seems like Starks are big on keeping family secrets from their children.
Bran wants to see more from his family’s life but the Raven pulls him out, warning him not to drown in the sea of memory. Bran protests, it’s the first time he’s felt like he was home probably since season 1.
Meera is still dealing with the loss of her brother Jojen, and feeling helpless as Bran undergoes his solitary vision quest. The Child of the Forest Leaf, looking a bit more fleshed out visually, assures her that Bran will need her. “He isn’t going to stay here forever”.
In King’s Landing, some commoner who witnessed Cersei’s walk of shame is telling a tall tale of catching her eye to a rowdy crowd. Then in the alley where he pisses against a wall, Robert Strong walks up, and also breaks his head on it. Fatality!
Today is the day of Myrcella’s funeral. Cersei wants to attend, of course, but a host of Lannister soldiers say that the King has ordered her confined to the Red Keep. Even though she has Strong behind her, she decides to stay in her room for now.
Tommen and Jaime preside over the body of Myrcella. Tommen is definitely feeling the consequences (fair or not) of his so far ineffectual rule. Interesting that Tommen thinks Cersei might have killed Trystane. Wait, you mean, you know Trystane is dead but you don’t know that it was Nym and Obara that killed him? How?
Anyway. Jaime pleads with Tommen to visit Cersei, make amends. He’d like to see Margaery, but the High Sparrow won’t allow it until she confesses. Jaime has had enough of this insolence. He threatens the High Sparrow, but he’s got his poor fellows around the entire perimeter of the Sept. Jaime knows he can kill the High Sparrow, but he won’t be able to get out the Sept, back to Tommen and Cersei, not with one hand.
A lot of fans have been wondering, fairly perhaps, at why the King or the small council haven’t ordered the Faith rounded up and executed. I’d say it’s because so far the Faith have really only imprisoned Cersei and Margaery that could have angered the other powers that be. And every one the court probably sighed with relief with Cersei out of commission. We have to wait and see how Kevan Lannister is doing as the Hand of the King. Jaime could raise an army to free the royal prisoners now that he’s gotten back, seen their boldness and is hungry for blood.
Tommen finally visits Cersei and apologizes, saying he feared that the Faith would imprison Cersei again if she attended the funeral. He confesses that he feels helpless, that he wants to become a good strong king. He wants his mother’s help to rule. Oh kid, geez, you don’t know what you’re asking. But it will be interesting to see Cersei finally mentoring Tommen.
Missandei, Grey Worm, Tyrion and Varys. Let’s call this Daenerys’s small council. With no new leads and word that Quarth and Astapor have fallen back under the control of slavers, Tyrion thinks it’s time to unleash the dragons back on their enemies. But without Daenerys, the prospect of controlling them is bleak. Tyrion suspects that with the right approach, he can start by unshackling them. If they’re bound for too long they could suffer and die.
Tyrion descends into the catacombs, Varys looks on uncertain. He shuffles forward until the great scaly forms of Viserion and Rhaegal illuminate themselves with fiery breath. Tyrion once asked an uncle of his for a dragon for his name day. The dragons were all dead, he was told. And yet here stands, before two adolescent dragons, each allowing him to approach and remove the bolts from their shackles. This could be the show giving some credence to the fan theory that Tyrion is in fact a Targaryen. Or it could be the preamble explanation that they sense Tyrion wants to free them. Perhaps we’ll find out for sure later.
Don’t let the judgement get punched out of you too Tyrion. Daenerys needs your ideas.
A girl sits at the same street bend again today, and again she is visited by a Waif. She’s beaten again without her sight, but she keeps getting up to swing furiously at her unseen attacker. Suddenly a man takes hold of her staff.
“If a girl says her name, a man will let her sleep under a roof tonight.”
“A girl has no name.”
“If a girl says her name a man will feed her tonight.”
“A girl has no name”
“If a girl says her name, a man will give her eyes back.”
“….A girl has no name.”
A man tells her to come, and leave her begging bowl in the street.
Progress!
At Winterfell, word of the murdered hunting party after Sansa has reached Roose Bolton. They know that Jon Snow, her half-brother is Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, so Ramsay suggests storming the castle, murdering Jon Snow, (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) and taking Sansa back. Roose is still mindful of the support of the other Northern Houses, and is confident that murdering the Lord Commander will bitterly set the country against House Bolton (ROTFLMFAO!). Roose keeps trying to impress on Ramsay that his brutal attitude will not last him long as a ruler.
Rickard Karstark’s son is ready to pledge his house to Lord Bolton, especially after Rob beheaded his father. We’ll have to see what Umber and Manderly think of the Bolton’s now. But then other news comes in, Walda has given birth to a boy! Ramsay approaches his father to congratulate him. “I look forward to meeting my baby brother.” “You’ll always be my first born.
You can actually see the knife holstered on the back of Ramsay’s belt that he uses to stab his father in the gut in a blink and you’ll miss it shot. On the one hand, conniving traitor that he was, having Roose and Ramsay both in the picture was a very entertaining dynamic. On the other hand, watching him get suddenly betrayed and stabbed in the gut, just like he did to Rob Stark was immensely satisfying. But of course, Roose raised a truly complete monster. He summons Lady Walda and his unnamed new born half-brother. He leads them to the kennels and sets his hounds on them.
Not even when he takes his brother in his arms does he gain an ounce of compassion. This thing is a threat to his rule and he will not allow it. “I preferred being an only child.” I hope this bastard dies in agony, but I’m afraid he’d enjoy it.
Brienne recounts her encounter with Arya to Sansa, and Sansa isn’t ready to talk about what happened at Winterfell. Nice to see them getting along while the boys tend the fire.
Theon doesn’t want to reach Castle Black with the group. Sansa swears that he’ll vouch for his help and that Bran and Rickon are still alive, but there’s still the matters of the farm boys he killed in their place, that he executed Sir Rodrick, and betrayed Robb at War. Sansa hugs Theon goodbye, the most devoted friend she’s had in a long time.
Home for Theon is Pyke. The Seat of House Greyjoy in the Iron Islands. The Ironborne have been pushed completely off the mainland but Balon Greyjoy is still determined to continue the invasion, despite Yara’s reasonable council.
Balon storms off. Speaking off, a furious storm rages over the Iron Islands, rocking the bridges between the natural spires back and forth. As he tries to cross he’s confronted by his long lost brother. Euron Greyjoy, makes his formidable pirate reputation and his distaste for his elder brother’s reign known in this mysterious introduction. We finally get to see Balon plummet to his watery, rocky death as he had in the books, except here in the show we know for sure that Euron is responsible.
Yara commits her father’s body to the sea, but is determined to find out who did this. Or at the very least make her case to the Kingsmoot. Is that like Entmoot? Something tells me it won’t take as long.
Man, patricide is all the rage in Westeros.
As another sun sets over Castle Black with news from Dolores Edd, Davos and the Night’s Watchmen loyal to Jon know they are out of time. They draw their swords (Davos apologizes in advance for his poor fighting skills) and prepare to face Thorne and the Watch. They begin to beat down the Lord Commanders door with a heavy mallet, Ghost snarls louder and louder, until an earth shaking crash turns all heads towards the main gate. The great giant Wun Wun bashes through the gate with another effortless crash.
Edd and Tormund Giantsbane lead a charge of a strong host into the courtyard. Most of the Night’s Watch tremble in fear. One guy with a sword gets down by Tormund. Another chump loses a bolt into Wun Wun’s shoulder. Honestly I laughed when Wun Wun grabbed him by his legs, broke his head open against the wall like a bottle of champagne and hurled the broken body at Thorne’s feet. No platitudes about the Night Watch’s mission will save him this time. Also funny, one of the previous times Tormund stood in this courtyard, Jon Snow ordered Tormund taken away. Now he and Edd are ordering Jon Snow’s killer locked up and taken away.
Melisandre is back in her younger visage, but still looking lost and disheveled when Davos checks on her. He finally asks her what we’ve all been wondering for a year. Is it possible that Melisandre can bring Jon Snow back to life?
She doubts her god and herself, but Melisandre will try at Davos’s urging. Oh boy here we go…
Jon’s body is stripped bare, showing us his gristly wounds. Edd, Tormund and Davos all stand by observing. Melisandre delicately washes his chest of blood. She washes the top of his hair. She trims his hair and his beard and offers them to the flames. She holds her hands over him and chants, the same phrase over and over, softer than more desperately.
Nothing. Jon’s friends exit one by one. Only Ghost remains in the room, apparently dozing. Then, the Direwolf raises his head up toward the table, where, moments later, Jon Snow once again draws deep ragged breaths.
YYYYYYYYYYYAAAAS! Nailed it. Sure, if they were going to bring Jon back they would leave you in suspense until the very final moment, although I wouldn’t have put it past Game of Thrones to put us through that scene and fade to black still looking at Jon’s dead corpse. But not this time. Jon Snow LIVES!
There will have to be consequences. Beric Dondarrion didn’t comeback scot-free, Jon won’t either. Things will be different now. Who knows how anyone will treat him now that’s he’s back from the dead among non-believers. How will Melisandre take this?
Way back in Season 3, Melisandre did meet Beric Dondarrion and Thoros of Myr. The main point of that plot was acquiring Gendry, but maybe, even then, the showrunners had the idea of seeding the notion of resurrection in Melisandre’s mind. We saw her whisper “please” over Jon Snow’s body, just as Thoros of Myr had told her how he pleaded over his friend’s body. Not because he believed, but because he didn’t want his friend to die. These human touches to Melisandre are very interesting.
MORE, PLEASE!
[signoff2]
